You ALWAYS need a relationship sufficient to do business.  The larger the level of business, the stronger the level of relationship needs to be.

Core to the development of commercial (and all other) relationships is communication.  Many people take great pains to say the appropriate thing at the appropriate time, thereby enhancing the communication and strengthening the relationship.  Yet too often, they still miss the boat.

An over quoted study done by Albert Mehrabian (Mehrabian, 1972) suggested that emotional communication has to do with much more than the words used.  The much debated study estimated that in face-to-face communication situations, the impact of various elements of communication is as follows:

Verbal                       7%
Voice tone, etc.      37%
Non-Verbal            56%
Total                      100%

Voice tonality, and non-verbal communication are very important parts of understanding the emotional content of face to face communication. But together, it is not 93% of communication or sub titles would not be needed in order to watch a film in a foreign language.

Voice Tone

Over the years, I’ve learned about the subconscious impact of certain voice tone changes and how they impact perceived credibility versus the approachability of the speaker.

Credibility And Approachability

For instance, if I ask a question or make a statement which ends with my voice tone going up, then my approachability to listeners on an unconscious level will increase.  Think about how people tend to use their “lovey” voice with a pet or a baby. Or think about teenage girls and how so many are “up talkers”… you know? Overemphasized this will come at the listener’s unconscious decisions about the speakers credibility. 

If I end my statements or questions with my voice tone descending, then my credibility increases. In communication, this is called “command tone down”. If you have a pet, think about the commands that work - is it where you are using the question tone; “Sit…?” Or do commands work much better when your voice tone starts higher and descends as you say the word “Sit!”
 

Overemphasized, command tone can also subconsciously influence at the expense of your approachability.

A proper balance between the two will yield the desired result, depending on the communication involved. It just takes practice.

Non-Verbal Credibility And Approachability

There are proven simple body language actions that will help you to create credibility or approachability, as the situation requires.

When you want to convey a sense of trustworthiness and credibility, use a very erect posture – like a soldier or even a matador. Picture how a matador struts into the bull ring, chest out, shoulders backs, a backward arch in the spin and head help aloft. Soften it up the smallest touch and you convey the ultimate picture of confidence, assuredness and credibility.

Add into that minimal hand/arm movements – no fidgeting! If you need to move to gesture make the movements small and slow. If you are sitting down, spread yourself out a bit, to take up more space – like you own the joint…

The masters level of this technique is to have internal dialogue of ultimate confidence also occurring – speak to yourself, “ I am credible… I am ultimately confident.. I am in charge.” Choose phrases that fit for you! Your face will show the thoughts that you are thinking… so choose what to focus your thoughts on.

To help in conveying a feeling of approachability, soften your stance a bit. Talk more with your hands and move around a bit. As you get more and more in sync with people, lean in towards them or hunch a bit and tilt your head. Use a lot of animated facial expressions. 

The next level of this is to notice the positions they are in and placements of limbs… then mirror them – just like your were looking in a mirror.

The masters level of this is to choose your internal dialogue to have statements of approachability occurring  – say to yourself, “ I am approachable… I like people… I like You!” Again choose phrases that fit for you, as they will show on your face.

For voice tonality control, an excellent program is offered by Jonathan Altfeld

For more on facial pattern recognition, check out 30+ years of brilliant research by Paul Ekman and more