It is much better to address conflict than to avoid it.

Have you ever watched "American Chopper" on Discovery? The show is just like a case study in good and bad conflict and conflict resolution. For those who've never watched… there is a lot of yelling going on. The family on the show, the Tuttle's, are not shy about sharing their opinions when they disagree with one another.

The communication is driven by Paul Tuttle Sr. With "senior" as he's called, there is no uncertainty. He tells it like he thinks it is. The other members of the team are not as forthcoming.

Now it may not always be comfortable, but when it works, I think they get more done because they are all bold enough to express their opinion and then move forward from there.

When it doesn't work, it's a view of unbridled, barely controlled conflict that includes regular door destruction, swearing and outright intimidation. I think what brings it back to working is their honesty and their ability to let go and clear resentment. If they followed some basic respect for each other, the explosions would be a thing of the past.

In business and all relationships, there are a few ways to resolve conflict, some better than others.

Collaboration – Sometimes called Win-Win, both parties are calm and assertive while being committed to cooperation. Collaboration increases the result for everyone. It can also be a slower way to resolve conflict if the parties do not already know and trust each other.

Compromising – One of the ways to recognize compromise is that everybody feels like they have lost something. Your own wound is softened since the other party has lost as well. However, feelings of loss erode relationships. This is one strategy that you want to avoid.

Force or Coercion – Sometimes force and coercion are useful ways to solve conflict - as our police, security and armed forces demonstrate. Force is dictated when limited time or the result needed is more important than the relationship.

Accommodating – When the relationship between the parties or the companies is more important than the task, accommodation can be the best approach. One side gives more to protect the relationship. If this is continually a one way street, it degrades into resentment - building compromise.

Avoiding – Avoiding conflict is useful when there is no winner possible… such as when you are pulled into someone else’s conflict. However, avoidance can lead to denial, which is a potentially destructive approach.

Increase your awareness of these ways and pay attention to your normal choice in certain situations. With awareness, you can start to choose the most effective way for the situation.

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